Movember Rain

The moustache is the greatest evolutionary step, greater than the thumb, greater than cognitive thought, greater than walking upright, it is quite simply the Mack-daddy of genetics. For some reason though, the mighty 'stache has fallen foul of society, and its only a rare hero that rocks the lip fuzz. Next month however is Movember, and it is every male's duty to 'stache up for testicular cancer awareness. Just think about it, you could be regarded alongside the heroes in the 'Moustache Hall of Fame', such names as...

Tom Selleck, the true legend of the lip pubes. Imagine a world without Magnum P.I; it's horrible isn't it. Now imagine YOU are Magnum P.I; it's fantastic isn't it! This moustache made 'Three Men and a Baby' and to a lesser extent 'Three Men and a Little Lady' (that is it made the films great, not as in 'created three actual men and a baby', although I bet it could if it wanted.) But as for Selleck himself, every woman on the planet at some point in their life has lusted after his immense being, twenty quid says his animal magnetic power lies right below his nose...

John Oates. Look at his face. LOOK AT IT. Do you think he'd be a millionaire if he was clean shaven? Get out of town and never return. The reason Hall and Oates were so good is because of Oates' furious filtrum growth. Allegedly Daryl Hall also grew a 'tache, but the combined power of their two face-statements were too much for any television, music player or human to handle and as such legislation was put into place decreeing that only one of them could rock the fuzz. Legendary.

Brad Pitt recently rocked the 'tache for two reasons;

1) No-one would take a Nazi arse-kicker seriously without rugged facial foliage.

2) Because he knew that he looked damn cool in the process.

Like Tom Selleck before him, there's nay a woman on the planet who doesn't want to be pinned down by the Pitt and treated like filth, Angelina Jolie included. Its a Hollywood secret that Angelina only shacked up with Bradley due to a promise he made to her regarding his growth of a moustache. Truth be told.

Jake 'the Snake' Roberts - legendary wrestler, animal lover and rugged pubic hero. When he wasn't DDTing people in the ring, you can bet that Jake was getting all sorts of women due to his immense handlebar. Just take a moment to soak it in, you can almost hear it blowing in the wind, and it sounds like every Led Zeppelin song played at once. Ferocious.

Seriously though, man-up and 'tache-up for Movember, it's for a good cause and makes you a true man, like the men of yore. In a nutshell, a moustache gives you licence to woo, fight and party like a genuine God. I'm already 'stached up, are you?