Air Jordan XXV

Nike, what the fuck were you thinking?

Once again Nike have decided to treat us. That's right boys and girls, the new 25th Anniversary Air Jordan's are here, and by God are they shit.

Sneaker afficionados were eagerly anticipting the newest addition to the legendary series, despite the fact that the majority of designs for the last decade have been awful - but nonetheless this time would be different. This time we'd get something to rival the almost mythical genius of the original red and black slices of cobbling triumph. This time we'd get something that both kick-addicts and ballers alike would be proud to display on their gams.

How wrong everyone was.

The time came and Nike once again wheeled out Michael Jordan, their immortal 6'6” golden goose, and an accompanying Dwyane Wade (the poor bastard is endorsing these shoes). However instead of a golden egg they presented us with a massive turd. Even as he stood there beaming, imagining the millions casually dropping into his bank account, Jordan looked like he wasn't totally convinced – he knew it was a damp squib.

So why such anger? One word; windows. When was the last time you saw a pair of kicks with a see through section that worked? That's right – never. As a design concept its almost futuristic, and hey, if women's shoes can get away with showing a bit of foot then why can't men's? Because women don't wear socks with high heels now do they. Socks by definition are as sexy as a bulldog eating chips out of a grid. Now take your average sock-covered foot add some sweat, heat and an easily fogged-up sheet of cheap plastic and what have you got? The least sexy thing imaginable, worse than Chris Evans getting frisky with a mountain goat.

So sort it out Nike, but hey, at least they're not as bad as the Adidas Kobe II's - not even therapy can cure that shit.