Planet of the BAPE

I never realised how serious I had become about fashion until the minute I was standing outside of the BAPE store in London. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t going to be some hokey ‘felt like I was in Mecca’ bullshit tale, but I realised the lengths I would go to in order to bolster my ever increasing wardrobe, I realised that I was in a world of limited edition sneakers, Japanese labels and over-priced garments, I realised that I was a 'hypebeast in training'.

Now for those who are uninitiated BAPE stands for 'A Bathing Ape' and is slowly becoming an urban fashion dynasty. Started in 1993 by Nigo (or Tomoaki Nagao to his mother), BAPE started life specialising in hand made tees depicting characters from the Planet of the Apes films. Eventually the brand moved into sneakers and have since become one of the industry leaders for highly sought after footwear. In order to keep the brand exclusive, and to further instill its ideas of exclusivity and somewhat urgency, getting hold of genuine BAPE merchandise is sometimes harder than performing a full frontal lobotomy with a desert fork and one eye closed. Hence why I was in London, and at one of only two official BAPE stores in the whole of Europe.

By choice I am what Nas once referred to as a 'Nike Head' and 9 times out of 10 you'll find me sporting a pair of hi-top Dunks on my feet, but the part of me that likes to hoarde and collect needed some other brands to fill out my collection. Put simply; I needed some BAPE in my life.

My first encounter with BAPE came with the purchase of these bad-boys from the online Pondonstore;

BAPESta 'Flash' - DC Comics Exclusives

However due to their rarity they mainly spend life adorning my shoe rack, only coming out on special occasions or when it's kids visit I know no harm will befall them.

What I wanted though was to venture into an actual BAPE shop and leisurely peruse what they had on offer instead of having to rashly panic buy a pair online and question their authenticity. So it had to be done; I had to venture to the capital to 'merely' buy shoes. Such was the apparent strageness of the trip's prupose that my own mother questioned my sexuality...


...I wish I was kidding.


Eventually the time came and I (accompanied by my boys Josh and Smeg and a soon to be crippled bank balance) sauntered down to London in the vague hope of finding some nice shoes...


...and find nice shoes I did;

BAPESta white x 1st Camo (Yellow) 

As well as a tee for good measure.

Ursus BAPE - 'Club Ursus' tee

So now my thirst for some BAPE has been well and truly quenched as I now have some quality garments to add to my collection, but the question is am I buying these because of what they are as opposed to whether I like them or not? I'll admit that I was determined to come home with some new BAPE sneakers, but I took my time and made a conscientious decision - and thats what really matters, surely? I'm never usually one to follow hype but with BAPE I seem to make an exception (even if some of their stuff is fucking rank).

Next stop; Supreme......

Air Jordan XXV

Nike, what the fuck were you thinking?

Once again Nike have decided to treat us. That's right boys and girls, the new 25th Anniversary Air Jordan's are here, and by God are they shit.

Sneaker afficionados were eagerly anticipting the newest addition to the legendary series, despite the fact that the majority of designs for the last decade have been awful - but nonetheless this time would be different. This time we'd get something to rival the almost mythical genius of the original red and black slices of cobbling triumph. This time we'd get something that both kick-addicts and ballers alike would be proud to display on their gams.

How wrong everyone was.

The time came and Nike once again wheeled out Michael Jordan, their immortal 6'6” golden goose, and an accompanying Dwyane Wade (the poor bastard is endorsing these shoes). However instead of a golden egg they presented us with a massive turd. Even as he stood there beaming, imagining the millions casually dropping into his bank account, Jordan looked like he wasn't totally convinced – he knew it was a damp squib.

So why such anger? One word; windows. When was the last time you saw a pair of kicks with a see through section that worked? That's right – never. As a design concept its almost futuristic, and hey, if women's shoes can get away with showing a bit of foot then why can't men's? Because women don't wear socks with high heels now do they. Socks by definition are as sexy as a bulldog eating chips out of a grid. Now take your average sock-covered foot add some sweat, heat and an easily fogged-up sheet of cheap plastic and what have you got? The least sexy thing imaginable, worse than Chris Evans getting frisky with a mountain goat.

So sort it out Nike, but hey, at least they're not as bad as the Adidas Kobe II's - not even therapy can cure that shit.