Smorgasbord

Right, we all know I'm a crap blogger alright? It's not my fault that all my free time is spent fighting crime, sleeping and somehow getting chocolate on my neck, because with great power, comes great responsibility....

...so yeah, how are you and stuff? Really? Neat. Let's get down to the nitty-gritty; me what has been bought by the Hooligan for the last few months, neck chocolate aside that is.

TEES.

Above: 1 Seal tee, £15 - Lazy Oaf sale (January)

Below: 2 Popeye tee, Supreme, £35 - Dover Street Market (December)

Oh right, what a boob I am, turns out i don't have any photos of me in the other tees I blagged, and trust me there're some fucking beauts in there. But don't fret, I have a camera, and at least one friend with opposable thumbs so they'll be up soon. DON'T CRY BIRD.

So yeah, moving on...

1 How much of a beast is this please? Always got to show some love for Lazy Oaf, amazing designs on display on everything from tees to packing tape. This one was a no-brainer for me, let's run through the checklist;

* White tee? CHECK

* Fresh colouring? CHECK

* Ecstatic seal with tiny hands? CHECK

2 I don't need to tell you how hard Supreme is to get hold of. Seriously, it's a fucking joke at times, but then I'd rather it be that way than the average pleb bombing round town in a Supreme tee to match their G-Star Raw/Hollister combinations. Twats. But yeah, sourced this out way before release as I just full-on love everything about it, I mean come on, who doesn't love Popeye? The old drunk. It'll look even better when I lose my Christmas boobs though (yep, still here, damn neck chocolate...)

KICKS.

Above: 3 BAPE Roadsta88, £165 £99 - A Bathing Ape Pirate Store, London (January)

Below: 4 Nike + Stüssy, All-Court Black, £70 - The Hideout (December)

            5 Nike + Stüssy, All-Court White, £70 - The Hideout (December)

Above: 6 Nike AirMax Light, £90 - Foot Patrol (December

Below: 7 Nike AirMax 90 Infra-Red, £90 - Kixclusive (January)

The coming months are very strong in terms of sneaker releases, from the Nike Dunk Liberty and ?uestlove, to the upcoming new season in the Adidas/Star Wars range. However, before I get carried away I need to remember that I only have two feet and have to save up to go see Voodle in New York this summer (where I WILL finally snag the elusive Ueno Panda...)

3 BAPE opened up their first UK Pirate Store in Shoreditch from January 22-30th and offered rarities, factory seconds and limited quantities of fresh items at discounted prices. Naturally I was there on the sunday, met with a medium sized, but healthy queue outside the main doors, flanked by three huge guards decked in the finest Ape-wear. Inside was more of the same, with racks upon racks of goods surrounded by hype-bastards, clueless turds and general riff-raff. I copped a pair of red/gold Apesta88 (basically the Air Jordan 3 but for twice the price) discounted from £165 to £99. It was a no-brainer.

4 & 5 I previewed the Nike + Stüssy All-Courts back in October and impatiently awaited the drop. Learning my mistakes after the Nike Supreme 94 debacle I was all over tis release like a tramp on discarded chips. This time when I rang the Hideout, after exchanging pleasantries, I was hit with the million dollar question;

"Do you want to reserve a pair in white, in black, or do you want both?"

I shook, softly at first, but with each tremor my movement became more violent. Weighing up the pros and cons in my mind (Cons: Would barely afford to live for a month, christmas would be a struggle. Pros: I'd look hella bad-ass) I took the plunge and opted for both. Lucky I did though, as they sold out in a day, and considering that the Hideout was the only stockist of the kicks in the UK I was a very lucky boy indeed. I'll say this though, I didn't eat properly for the following weeks, but by God are my shoes beautiful.

6 Following on from my first AirMax gamble in August, I felt the time was right to get more. Well, that's a lie, I just happened to be in Foot Patrol with a fresh paycheck burning a hole in my pocket and had to buy them, mainly to fill the Infra-Red sized hole in my life...

7 ...which I plugged not long after. I wanted the Infra-Reds upon release back in August, but couldn't afford them due to moving down south, so when I finally got some pennies rolling I hunted the internet for a pair. As usual though, the only sizes available were in the region of size 5 (buy nice shoes you tiny footed pricks or I'll cut off your limbs). Luckily, New York dealer Kixclusive got some in to their web store, and the price, including postage, worked out roughly the same. Like all AirMax they're very comfy and seem to go with anything, despite the unorthodox colouring. Emma can't stand them though, but screw it, they're comfy and swish, and came in a stupidly fast amount of time.

So yeah, that's what I've been up-to for the last few months, aside from lucha-libre, Fanric, tee jaunts and music video making, but they're stories for another time....

...oh go on then. Here's a music video I made with my boys at Fungunt Productions for the Eurythmics' synth classic 'There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Heart)'. Enjoy, and if you genuinely DO enjoy, then please let me, or the boys know through the above links *looks up two lines*

Halloweiners

Yeah yeah yeah so it's Halloween this weekend and you're probably really excited to express your annual love for all things 'satanic', horrible and costume related. Well good on you, nothing better than taking up any excuse for a party and letting your hair down, even though the cynical Brit in you might be seething at the American-ness of it (no offence Yank-pals, we just don't really get it). But the one thing I hate about Halloween (aside from horrible little scally children harassing you for sugar) is the unoriginality in the costumes that get spewed up, and I hate it to say it, but I'm primarily looking at the females in the audience.

Now from my experience this is how it goes with regards to 'fancy dress';

Girls: Lets have a fancy dress party! It'll be AMAZING.

Guys: Urgh, why? Too much effort.

Girls: Shut up, it'll be well good and it'll be fun!

Guys: Oh alright then, I suppose it'll be alright.

Girls - All dressed as cats and 'slutty' variations of everyday things. However there is usually one token amazing suit (Street Fighter's Chun-Li for example, or an everyday household lamp).

Guys - A plethora of home-made homages to pop-culture and Horror culture, even though the males weren't thrilled about dressing up in the first place. Plus the obligatory bell-end wearing a cheap mask and his everyday clothes.

You can argue all you want, but you know it to be true. This happens every sodding year! Lets fight back and re-take Halloween, WHO'S WITH ME?

5 Punchable Halloween Costume Ideas:

The Fallen fucking Angel

We get it, you want to be sexy yet evil, but you just look like a drag queen with no imagination. All the girls at the party think you look cheap, all the guys think you look easy, and you'll get hyperthermia before midnight. It doesn't matter how 'good' you look, take the piss out of yourself a little and you'll be a surefire hit!

The 'Pop-Culture Icon of the Moment' Costume

I'm looking at you brethren now you un-original bastards. Every year you can just tell which costume will be the 'hit of the year' and sure enough come Halloween there are a thousand fuckers dressed as it. Jack Sparrow, the Joker, the Crow, you know the offenders. Apparently this year's hit is set to be Lady Gaga's meat dress. Super fucking duper. Look back at the photos in 10 years time and laugh at how obscure your costume has became.

Ghostface Killah

A previous entrant into the 'pop-culture icon of the year' category, Ghostface has became an entity of its own, offering an easy costume idea to the laziest fuckers imaginable. Perhaps they're all being ironic and post-modern, echoing Wes Craven's point that slasher icons are more remembered than their films and that the genre has become hokey and stale. Either that or they're just a gimp. Tough choice.

Cat Stevens

Read my comments for the 'fallen angel' costume, but add this; WHAT THE FUCK IS SCARY ABOUT A CAT? For fuck's sake...

The obligatory 'tracksuit + cheap halloween mask' combo

Mainly sported by scary pre-pubescent little shits who are prowling the streets looking for blood, the addition of a cheap Poundland plastic mask to a tracksuit just isn't in the spirit of things, even though in the right circumstances (ie; getting chased through a forest, getting accosted in an alleyway) it can be pant shittingly terrifying.

5 Genius Halloween Costume Ideas:

The 'Pop Culture Group' Entry

Why stay current and predictable? Go back into the annuls of you childhood and whip out a blast from the past that'll make everyone go "Oh yeah! I loved that as a kid!" Think of the A-Team, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Power Rangers and you're in the right area.

The 'Pure-Effort Homemade' Entry

It's only once a year, why not go all-out? You could either spend hundreds on an officially licensed costume, or make it yourself Neil Buchanan style and be the toast of the party and the subject of conversations for years to come.

An Inanimate Object

For some reason there is something hysterical about someone dressed as an inanimate object. Mainly its trying to decipher the thought process that lead to the costume's inception, but partially its the fact that although the wearer looks like an idiot, they're having the time of their lives.

Something Legitimately Terrifying

There's nothing wrong with dressing as something non-horror related as long as it's cool, but after all it is Halloween might as well try and scare the absolute shite out of everything possible. See above, my boy Josh dressed as Ronald McDonald at a business meeting. He spent the entire evening staring people out and hiding in dark corners waiting to give someone a cardiac. Freaky.

The 'Obscure WTF Were You Thinking?' Entry

Imagine the scene; you've just arrived at a Halloween house party and are wading through the throngs of vampires, cats and Freddy Krugers when across the kitchen you see Pat Sharpe. It's glorious isn't it? As with the inanimate object idea, the fun comes in both the stupidity and inspired genius involved. Bravo to you.

So there you are, stick to these rules and you'll be the talk of the party and treated like the hero that you are. Oh and stay in character, it'll add to your costume dramatically. As for me? Well I'm not too fond of Halloween as it is, but I've got the be up early the day after so chances are an evening watching 'Evil Dead' is on the cards. Groovy.

The Empire Strikes Back...

The difficult second album, the 'long awaited sequel', 'Breakin' II: Electric Boogaloo'. All tags associated with the age old adage of following a surefire hit. There are examples of success ('Led Zeppelin II'), failure ('Escape from LA') and the golden goose; the superior creation ('Godfather II'). Where this comes into context in the fashion world is with regards to the Adidas Originals Star Wars line, a line which not only proved that the German sneaker powerhouse CAN create a good collaboration, but also proved financially and commercially successful t'boot. So now we are presented with an Autumn/Winter Star Wars range, but can it capture the magic of the original?

THE GOOD:

Death Star Letterman Jacket

Bang on trend with the current 'prep-hop' look that's being sought after by every man and his dog. My only gripe is patchwork overload - the TIE Fighters down the right arm are unnecessary, same for the red text below the right breast and the Adidas Star Wars logo on the left arm. The massive back print is superb, and the geekiest thing this side of a 'Dune' convention. Spot on.

Star Wars Adi Dassler Tee

I fucking love this item, it's superb. If you know me personally then you know that I have a permanent hard-on for white tees and off-centre prints (in this case, off center vertically speaking). This garment teams up Darth Vader; Dark Lord of Sith, Adi Dassler; Co-founder of Adidas, and C3PO; gold plated arrogant robo-twat, and the three are presiding over a very old-skool football boot. The item is finished off with a slogan above the left breast, and the Adidas Star Wars logo just below the neck.

Star Wars Top Ten 'Droids'

First spotted on Jay Baruchel's feet in the amazing TV advert in the summer, this design combines the colourways of the saga's foremost robots - the afore mentioned C3PO, and robotic bin-bad-ass R2D2. Now on paper, a shoe which is half gold/half white should be horrendous, but I personally adore them. Finished off with lace-covers saying 'DROIDS' and presented in blister-pack boxing these are definite must-haves.

THE BAD:

Star Wars Nizza 'Good'

Not a fan of these. Very cheap looking and would expect them to blow-up the second you laced them up. Heel has a 'Wookiees' logo that looks like little more than a transfer tattoo. The kids versions are very cute though. Buy for your offspring!

Boba Fett Track Top

Now this disappointed me. Boba Fett, the coolest anonymous bastard in the entire franchise, immortalised in a drab, overcrowded jacket. Although the colourway is clearly based upon the character's battle armour, it comes across like a hospital constructed in the late 1980s, or a mint-choc-chip ice-cream eaten on a cloudy day. Its also got far too many pockets. FAR TOO MANY.

THE BIZARRE:

Boba Fett Backpack

Have you ever seen a more gloriously bizarre/unnecessary commercial release backpack in all your days? Based on Boba Fett's helmet (although its more like a Clone Trooper THERE ARE ONLY THREE FILMS) this is a weird, although nicely designed/constructed accessory. I'd have killed for one of these as a kid.

A while back I wrote an article for 'CYNIC Magazine' highlighting the inaugural collection, and one thing ringed throughout - what is the purpose of this collaboration? What links German sportswear with intergalactic civil war? The answer is nothing. Nothing links the two, but frankly I don't care. This collaboration combines two things that I love - Star Wars, and clothing. The Autumn/Winter collection is disappointing compared to the initial collection, but still has some items that would be welcomed into any self-respecting wardrobe. So in essence, this season's offerings are more 'Return of the Jedi' than 'The Empire Strikes Back' - very good, but gimmicky and not as memorable as the original.